The first message sets the tone for your entire conversation. Yet many people struggle with what to say beyond a simple "hi" or generic compliment. Let's explore how to craft first messages that grab attention and lead to meaningful exchanges.
Avoid Generic Openers
"Hey" or "What's up?" rarely lead to engaging conversations. These generic openers put all the pressure on the other person to carry the conversation. Instead, show you've actually looked at their profile by referencing something specific.
Reference Their Profile
The best first messages mention something from the person's profile—a hobby, a photo, or an interest they mentioned. For example: "I see you're into hiking—have you tried the trails at Runyon Canyon?" This demonstrates genuine interest and gives them an easy way to respond.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Questions that can't be answered with "yes" or "no" encourage longer, more engaging responses. Instead of "Do you like movies?" try "What's the last film you saw that really stayed with you?" Open-ended questions reveal personality and values.
Share a Little About Yourself
While you want to focus on them, sharing something small about yourself creates balance. "I see you're a coffee enthusiast—my morning isn't complete without a pour-over. What's your go-to order?" This creates common ground and reciprocity.
Be Playful, Not Pushy
Humor and lightheartedness can make your message memorable, but avoid anything that could be misinterpreted as criticism or inappropriate. A playful observation or gentle joke about something in their profile can work wonders if it feels natural.
Keep It Concise
Your first message shouldn't be a novel. Aim for 2-3 sentences maximum that show interest, ask a question, and maybe include a personal touch. You want to intrigue them, not overwhelm them with a wall of text.
Timing Matters
While there's no perfect time to send a message, consider when people are likely to check dating apps. Evenings and weekends tend to have higher engagement. Avoid sending multiple messages if they haven't replied yet—give them space to respond.
Follow Up Naturally
If they respond positively, build on the conversation by expanding on what they shared. Listen actively and ask follow-up questions that demonstrate you're engaged. The goal is a flowing dialogue, not an interrogation.
What to Avoid
Steer clear of overly personal questions early on, physical compliments, or anything that could make someone uncomfortable. Avoid generic pickup lines that don't show you've read their profile. And never send inappropriate content.
Practice Makes Progress
Crafting great first messages gets easier with practice. Pay attention to which approaches get better responses and adjust accordingly. Remember, even a great message won't get a response from everyone—and that's okay.
At LA Dating, we believe authentic connections start with genuine conversations. By taking time to craft thoughtful first messages, you're already setting yourself up for more meaningful interactions. Start applying these tips today and watch your conversations transform.